Today I witnessed a performance that left me unconsciously immersed into the moment. Spoken word poetry is slowly getting into the artistic scene in the city and is uncontrollable. Like, everyone can just write anything under the sun and recite it in front of an audience.
But this one is different.
The last spoken word poetry performance that left me digging in my skin for feels was in YouTube, by the famous Juan Miguel Severo who started it all here in the Philippines.
But this one is different. It was written by eleventh graders and they performed it well.
There was something in me that told me how I wish i just hadn’t witnessed it. Because the last time I felt emotional and reminiscing was months ago and I f*cking do not like how I felt, nor even REMEMBER how it feels like.
And as I went home, the words went home with me too. All echoing in my brain and my egoistic me was driving them all away. IT WAS A SUCKY FEELING. It was a sucky ride home.
I hate remembering about how TIME played its role when I was with you. How the performance reminded me that no matter how I pushed myself away from you, I STILL LOVE YOU. That Time was the constant who-to-blame even the real cause was just me.
or maybe it was also you.
I HATE REMEMBERING YOU. Period. Even you passing by my mind is a millisecond waste of my Time living in this planet. I hate remembering you but…
Why do you pass by my mind? Why was it you that I remembered when I watched the performance? Why not any other? WHY NOT EVEN MY FAMILY!
Why did I even hold back the salty liquid behind my eyes? Gawd, it was hard holding it back. IT HAS BEEN MONTHS WHEN I PLACED AN END TO CRYING AT 12MIDNIGHT. It has been months when I decided to be strong and picked up pieces of myself.
IT HAS BEEN F*CKING MONTHS AND I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK THERE ANYMORE!
Maybe Time has its own way to heal everyone’s bruises. Maybe mine’s not yet up.
And I hate it.
And maybe Time is teaching me to be patient. Because maybe God will send some healer to do the healing.
And before I end this entry…
How can I forget you? When everytime I check the Time, I look at the wristwatch you gave me.
YOU TELL ME THE TIME.